Kiri

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 10:07:50 GMT

ineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrink

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 01:58:59 GMT

Tomorrow:

Breakfast: Cereal + fat burners
Lunch: Slimfast + Hoodia
Snack: Lemonade
Dinner: Cereal

Fuck I'm finally 100% sober. I didn't go to half of school today. God dammit.

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 07:40:27 GMT

ugh one more entry for tonight even though i just posted the other one hahahaha

I want my septum and cleavage pierced soon. and more ear piercings, and belly button when i lose mad pounds hahahah. I need to stay focused!!!

I might want my eyebrow/s done again.But they're kind of annoying to have.

I Need opinions of septum piercings when i get back to school. all the guys i'm attracted to don't have any piercings or anything. haha. cept for david, he has his tongue and wants his ears gauged. but i'll never have a chance with him...

maybe if il ose like 92358938rt59089e lbs and he breaks up with his girlfriend. :[ he's so hawt, but I don'td eserve him.

Oh and Dillans coming back. dunno if i mentioned that.

Me: dillan's coming back !
mom: who the fuck is that?

I have bad memory... i think i did post before. oh well haha

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 07:34:18 GMT

Wowzers, I feel fucking fat today. so tomorrow WILL be different. I have visions of how thin I want to be. Which is pretty fucking thin, like... no meat on my body.

I wonder when that will happen? I need lipo.

But I Think I can't start losing cause it's soo ohard to exercise here. Finally I have a couple weeks of school off so i can exercise at fucking MIDNIGHT D: an not the whole day like i was used to.

fucking dad works at home and stupid uncle staying up all late. this house blows now.

Oh well when/if i get the apartment this year i'm gonna try and take the treadmill with me. I better fucking be able too, even though it's huge.

Or i'll have a job then i'll fucking buy my own.

Today's kinda boring. went to the arcade and drove around. tongue still hurts.

then mom came hom and we laughed about how my dad got someone else's bag at walmart. and by the shit he got whoever bought it was probably taking it home to someone who is sick hahahaha we were laughing for like 20 minutes.

god i'm so fat.

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 01:42:33 GMT

I neeeeed exerci se.

got my tongue pierced.

Starting tomorrow, gonna do a 3 day fast. just because.

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:13:36 GMT

fuck ate too much this weekend/and today

but I'm soo gonna get my tongue pierced wednesday-friday... if i don't get it then maybe My cousin will go with me. D: Cause then i probably won't eate solid food for a while. YAY!

I'll go alone if i have to!

I'm pretty much bored now, gonna go to walmart, target, and the mall. just for the hell of it. huh huh

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 03:51:10 GMT

Oh god reading back every entry in this journal is so negative. I guess cause I hardly ever fucking tell my friends how i feel. I don't wanna annoy them with my stupid problems.

ughhhh my head.

I'm gonna do the 2468 plan
tomorrow. i' gonna seriously stick with it.

Tomorrow will be 200... well 300 cause 200 is too hard

I"ll eat: bread... 90 calories for 2 pieces...
then soup for 200 when i get home... and drink lotsa water

I think DDR tomorrow, I drink so much water there.

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 03:30:21 GMT

I feel like such a fuck up. Like everything I do is wrong.

I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.

Sometimes I think I'm the stupidest piece of shit alive.Things I did that still bother me. Telling that Johnny kid "fuck you" as a joke but i think he took me seriously.

And ugh just shit. I need pain killers, I have one i should take it.

My dad was yelling at me today so I yelled back, told him to not raise his voice at me. he stopped.

But other than that, today was amazing. I helped David mix paint in shitty art class, he was being so sweet and nice. Just joking around with him, making eachother laugh, it's the best feeling in the world.

He means so much to me. Every minute I love. hahaha i'm a loser. But he was waiting in the doorway for me after i came back from the bathroom (drinking lots of water lately yay). And we talked and he made me smile. I hope the other idiots in the class saw that. The teacher always calls and picks on me in front of the class and embarrasses me, points out my fucking "PINK HAIR AND A THING THROUGH MY LIP" everyone laughs. It's sooo embarrassing, she makes me seem like a fucking outcast. David thinks it's funny cause we talk shit about that teacher. He's the only one that can laugh. haha

Hmmm... after 6th period I saw George in the hallway, and told him "god you were being such an asshole to me the other day, you were so mean" So he was like "how was i mean!?"
me: You're being overly critical!
him: what the fuck , I'm critical of everyone!
me: well you can be critical to everyone BUT ME!!
then I changed the subject and we were good hahaha. And he hugged me so tight.

Dillan's coming back too. He's all fucking ripped now. He was sooooo nice and sweet and all gentle-men-y and praised me and shit. hahahah then he got on steroids and fucked himself up. he was all creepy and weird... like he was on drugs. And he was gettin ga bald spot from the shit he took and got this weird ass haircut. xD god damn

SO yeah. that was my day. i have a headache

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 02:24:42 GMT

omg my stomach hurts, i think i need to eat. but stupid dumb ass uncle made lasagna, I'm NOT eating that. :| everytime i go in there "EAT IT EAT IT IT'S GOOD"

and i tell them I don't feel good. It's true.

But a divorce between my parents is soon. so soon, I can feel it.

Thank god.

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 09:24:43 GMT

i should be exercising right now but its too cold. :|

I wnat my stupid uncle to go the fuck back where he came from . move back to italy. bastard. Dx

i have like no time to myself.

Oh I"m excited for christmas this year for noooo reason. I dunno what i want.

oh, a tattoo of my baby kitty boy, my cleavage pierced, and my tongue pierced.

And i had a dream i got my toe pierced. xD i want that now but i dunno if it's possible.

tomorrow: soup, vegetables, and that's it.

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:27:21 GMT

I had such a bad day today.

I'm fat and disgusting
I'm going to burn off at least 500 calories otherwise I'll be fat forever

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.

George made me so happy yesterday and then today he was being nice and then he became ac omplete asshole!

I hope he fucking feels bad, but he's different this year

I'm different'

Everything's different, nothings the same, nothing will ever be the same.

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 02:21:04 GMT

I got some weed and gonna buy shroooooms soon. I'm gonna save up and treat myself for winter break.. when i get my tongue pierced... and maybe dye my hair. I'm seeing my natural color, I kinda wanna grow it out cause i haven't seen it since i was 14. 4 yeeeeears. It looks like a darker brown now.

But today:

300calories 3g FAT
200 NO FAT
Some nasty sugarfree energey drink EW

Aaaand I ate alot of liqourish cause I'm on the rag and it's fair. haha

And I exercised! Only for a little bit cause I'm out of shape.

Sooo I will let myself smoke and trip and take downers at christmas when I don't gotta drive or go to class. :D

I'd so go to Christmas stoned but my sister is taking me. haha she'd rip me a new asshole, even though I"m sure my cousins and uncles and aunts wouldn't mind, cause they do alotttt of shit too. I love my family.

My sister's such aBITCH though goodie goodie biiatch. :C

haha my mom says as soon as i graduate I can do shit, and even my fucking stupid ass dad did too. "When you're older"

But my sister thinks anyone who does anything is a mindless fucking retard. Even though that's what she is!

Ugh Just feel like bitching. :/

I wanna boyfriend.

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 20:41:37 GMT

I had another Chris dream last night. :] I hardly remember it, but I was hugging him more. And I was thinking the past couple days.. "what if I don't have him in another dream?" and I did, so that made my day.

I truely believe that his spirit or whatever comes to people in dreams.

I miss you Chris!!

Food today:

like 200cal?

I exercised for a little bit, it's hard when we have company over, I have no time to myself :[[

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 03:38:35 GMT

Wuah, I like a girl. I dunno if she likes me back. She has alot of problems and reminds me alot of myself. She said she doesn't wanna relationship though. I need to pry myself into her life anddd make her like me. How sad haha.

It sucks and it's hard though cause I'm used to guys doing all the work. And girls are so confusing.

too much food today. I'm gonna start my period soon that's why.
Buttt I'll plan tomorrow:

soup: less than 200 cal and NO fat!
probably some other junk food cause i suck

omg and the idiots at starbucks remember me. I'm so embarrassed. they remember what i always order DD:

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 03:09:08 GMT

Today: ... alot ..
8+4.5 g of fat plus others.

Tomorrow will be better.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 02:06:46 GMT

ahhh I'm soo shaky, no appetite.. I think i'm running a fever too.

today: 20cal.. 220 or something... and 280 and uhh 80

and probably like 200 more cause I'm a pig

9.5 fat I think? wtf ever

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 23:13:15 GMT

Chris came back to me in a dream last night. I don't remember exactly what, just that I was hugging him telling him I Didn't want him to go. It was a nice dream, a nice feeling. He was hugging me too, I can't remember what he said. or what else I said.

I just know that he's alright.. and I'm alright. He still comes back to visit his friends, like the ones who want him to and believe it and stuff.

I believe it.

I love and miss him. :)

Anyways

umm 120 calories.. + 220 + 200 = 540cal today

like.. 3.5 + 4 + 1.5 grams of fat.

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 03:30:40 GMT

My throooooat hurts

I feel disgusted

I'm taking fucking 5 vitamin c pills a day. and next time i go to that dirty fucking arcade i'm taking disinfecting things. Cause those dirty nasty thug gangster nasty gross people and their sick kids are fucking nasty.

I almost vomited in the bathroom yesterday. bad memories and washing my hands, I wanted to burn them off.

cause it's
OC-DELICIOUS

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 23:41:37 GMT

I need to friendzzzz

Maybe a boyfriend? I dunno.

Ugh stupid idiot. He makes me confused. that's what i get for liking someone on the football team. FUCKING JOCKS.

They really are as stupid as people say. AHA

GROSS I feel fat. But uhhh

7g
+
3g
+.... 3?

I dunno I didn't eat that much fat but i feel sick as hell

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 05:31:20 GMT

Took alli today :D

This means never eating bad... til the pills runout. xD

I'm so happy.

I was so motivated this week to eat hardly any fat...

Note to self: get new friends

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 09:22:28 GMT

br eakfast: 120 cal? hardly any fat
energy drink: 20 cal
starbucks: 350?cal and 4g fat
pudding 100
easy fucking mac xD 280cal? 4gfat
lean cuisine 280 or something 4.5g

I can't count the calories I'm too tired but maybe like 13.5-14g of fat at the very most.

Very very nice. :D I'm so motivated now. Probably because I've been fucking depressed lately and I'm having relapse of everything and fucknig flashbacks of my childhood. not nice at all. :(

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 21:29:35 GMT

I don't know what to think.

Either last night or in E hall today, the very end of the hall way, I saw Chris standing there facing me with his camouflage pants on, I did a double take remembering he doesn't go to my school anymore... and he wasn't there.

It was either in a dream or today.

And I found out just now that.... he's dead.

I'm in shock right now, I feel sick to my stomach. I was supposed to hang out with him last month, he wanted me to go check the movies out at his house. I feel likeit may have been a sign from him. That I saw him there... either it was a ghost or whatever or he came in my dream...

but I know it was. I know it was.

I'm sad though.

He was on drugs Sunday night, at a party, decided to take a walk and then got hit by a car.
he's dead though, he's fucking dead.

My mind's a blur right now. I can't comprehend anything.

He wasn't even 17 years old yet...

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 03:45:16 GMT

haha did good today, but i ate some reeses cause it took me 2 hours driving back and forth to best buy across fucking town to get my tablet.

And went to starbucks with hayley today, and they gave out free donuts. I said I didn't want one but Hayley forced me to. xD It was damn good but I gave her the rest.

whatever.

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:46:09 GMT

Things I still hate:

My sister, my dad, and the dog.

I can't wait til I move out.

I hate these mother fucking people. My mom only likes my sister cause she's her daughter. My mom only likes my sister cause she's her daughter. My mom only likes my sister cause she's her daughter. My mom only likes my sister cause she's her daughter. My mom only likes my sister cause she's her daughter. My mom only likes my sister cause she's her daughter.

And apparently anyone who gets high is a loser.

My sister is such a bitch. I hope she moves away forever.

But noooo

My mom is the only person I can rant/vent to. Otherwise I hold it all in and think about it and make myself crazy. And this god damned journal. Otherwise I know no one else gives a god damn how I feel.

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 17:43:51 GMT

I had a dream last night that I got down to my normal weight. Ugh I needdd to get down to 118 fat fucking pounds. I haven't weighed myself in a long ass time. I should do that today. or not.

But I'm all motivated to lose weight now. And get better on ddr. i was playing standard on double mode and i failed the last song, and so this fucking idiot comes and plays the exact same song on the last one and passed it to like show off. So paige got mad and played all these paranoia songs on single mode heavy, and a 10 footer. xD

Then he went and played 9 footers and got B's on them all. I think I'm probably better than him. So she played the exact 3 songs he did in that order and almost AA'd them all. and he got all irritated.

Then he played again with more 9 footers and did pretty shitty and paige called it the battle of the 9 footers. So she showed him up. That's what he gets for being an asshole to me. xD It was only my 2nd time playing double in 2 years, and even then I was on like light. It's scary going back and forth on two pads cause my legs are so short. hahaha

Today:

100 calorie pack

haha I'm getting a tablet tomorrow to improve my shitty art. I"ve been so unmotivated.

Ugh and I had these dreams last night i was trying to beat the shit out of my dad and sister. and I had sex with all these monsters. D: ewww