|
[19 Nov 2008|03:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
ineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrinkineedadrink
|
|
|
[14 Apr 2008|07:57pm] |
|
Tomorrow:
Breakfast: Cereal + fat burners
Lunch: Slimfast + Hoodia
Snack: Lemonade
Dinner: Cereal
Fuck I'm finally 100% sober. I didn't go to half of school today. God dammit.
|
|
|
[23 Dec 2007|12:36am] |
ugh one more entry for tonight even though i just posted the other one hahahaha
I want my septum and cleavage pierced soon. and more ear piercings, and belly button when i lose mad pounds hahahah. I need to stay focused!!!
I might want my eyebrow/s done again.But they're kind of annoying to have.
I Need opinions of septum piercings when i get back to school. all the guys i'm attracted to don't have any piercings or anything. haha. cept for david, he has his tongue and wants his ears gauged. but i'll never have a chance with him...
maybe if il ose like 92358938rt59089e lbs and he breaks up with his girlfriend. :[ he's so hawt, but I don'td eserve him.
Oh and Dillans coming back. dunno if i mentioned that.
Me: dillan's coming back !
mom: who the fuck is that?
I have bad memory... i think i did post before. oh well haha
|
|
|
[23 Dec 2007|12:30am] |
|
Wowzers, I feel fucking fat today. so tomorrow WILL be different. I have visions of how thin I want to be. Which is pretty fucking thin, like... no meat on my body.
I wonder when that will happen? I need lipo.
But I Think I can't start losing cause it's soo ohard to exercise here. Finally I have a couple weeks of school off so i can exercise at fucking MIDNIGHT D: an not the whole day like i was used to.
fucking dad works at home and stupid uncle staying up all late. this house blows now.
Oh well when/if i get the apartment this year i'm gonna try and take the treadmill with me. I better fucking be able too, even though it's huge.
Or i'll have a job then i'll fucking buy my own.
Today's kinda boring. went to the arcade and drove around. tongue still hurts.
then mom came hom and we laughed about how my dad got someone else's bag at walmart. and by the shit he got whoever bought it was probably taking it home to someone who is sick hahahaha we were laughing for like 20 minutes.
god i'm so fat.
|
|
|
[21 Dec 2007|06:42pm] |
I neeeeed exerci se.
got my tongue pierced.
Starting tomorrow, gonna do a 3 day fast. just because.
|
|
|
[17 Dec 2007|03:12pm] |
|
fuck ate too much this weekend/and today
but I'm soo gonna get my tongue pierced wednesday-friday... if i don't get it then maybe My cousin will go with me. D: Cause then i probably won't eate solid food for a while. YAY!
I'll go alone if i have to!
I'm pretty much bored now, gonna go to walmart, target, and the mall. just for the hell of it. huh huh
|
|
|
[06 Dec 2007|08:48pm] |
|
Oh god reading back every entry in this journal is so negative. I guess cause I hardly ever fucking tell my friends how i feel. I don't wanna annoy them with my stupid problems.
ughhhh my head.
I'm gonna do the 2468 plan
tomorrow. i' gonna seriously stick with it.
Tomorrow will be 200... well 300 cause 200 is too hard
I"ll eat: bread... 90 calories for 2 pieces...
then soup for 200 when i get home... and drink lotsa water
I think DDR tomorrow, I drink so much water there.
|
|
|
[06 Dec 2007|08:20pm] |
|
I feel like such a fuck up. Like everything I do is wrong.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
I NEED TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK.
Sometimes I think I'm the stupidest piece of shit alive.Things I did that still bother me. Telling that Johnny kid "fuck you" as a joke but i think he took me seriously.
And ugh just shit. I need pain killers, I have one i should take it.
My dad was yelling at me today so I yelled back, told him to not raise his voice at me. he stopped.
But other than that, today was amazing. I helped David mix paint in shitty art class, he was being so sweet and nice. Just joking around with him, making eachother laugh, it's the best feeling in the world.
He means so much to me. Every minute I love. hahaha i'm a loser. But he was waiting in the doorway for me after i came back from the bathroom (drinking lots of water lately yay). And we talked and he made me smile. I hope the other idiots in the class saw that. The teacher always calls and picks on me in front of the class and embarrasses me, points out my fucking "PINK HAIR AND A THING THROUGH MY LIP" everyone laughs. It's sooo embarrassing, she makes me seem like a fucking outcast. David thinks it's funny cause we talk shit about that teacher. He's the only one that can laugh. haha
Hmmm... after 6th period I saw George in the hallway, and told him "god you were being such an asshole to me the other day, you were so mean" So he was like "how was i mean!?"
me: You're being overly critical!
him: what the fuck , I'm critical of everyone!
me: well you can be critical to everyone BUT ME!!
then I changed the subject and we were good hahaha. And he hugged me so tight.
Dillan's coming back too. He's all fucking ripped now. He was sooooo nice and sweet and all gentle-men-y and praised me and shit. hahahah then he got on steroids and fucked himself up. he was all creepy and weird... like he was on drugs. And he was gettin ga bald spot from the shit he took and got this weird ass haircut. xD god damn
SO yeah. that was my day. i have a headache
|
|
|
[03 Dec 2007|07:23pm] |
omg my stomach hurts, i think i need to eat. but stupid dumb ass uncle made lasagna, I'm NOT eating that. :| everytime i go in there "EAT IT EAT IT IT'S GOOD"
and i tell them I don't feel good. It's true.
But a divorce between my parents is soon. so soon, I can feel it.
Thank god.
|
|
|
[02 Dec 2007|02:22am] |
|
i should be exercising right now but its too cold. :|
I wnat my stupid uncle to go the fuck back where he came from . move back to italy. bastard. Dx
i have like no time to myself.
Oh I"m excited for christmas this year for noooo reason. I dunno what i want.
oh, a tattoo of my baby kitty boy, my cleavage pierced, and my tongue pierced.
And i had a dream i got my toe pierced. xD i want that now but i dunno if it's possible.
tomorrow: soup, vegetables, and that's it.
|
|
|
[28 Nov 2007|03:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
I had such a bad day today.
I'm fat and disgusting
I'm going to burn off at least 500 calories otherwise I'll be fat forever
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.
George made me so happy yesterday and then today he was being nice and then he became ac omplete asshole!
I hope he fucking feels bad, but he's different this year
I'm different'
Everything's different, nothings the same, nothing will ever be the same.
|
|
|
[27 Nov 2007|07:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
I got some weed and gonna buy shroooooms soon. I'm gonna save up and treat myself for winter break.. when i get my tongue pierced... and maybe dye my hair. I'm seeing my natural color, I kinda wanna grow it out cause i haven't seen it since i was 14. 4 yeeeeears. It looks like a darker brown now.
But today:
300calories 3g FAT
200 NO FAT
Some nasty sugarfree energey drink EW
Aaaand I ate alot of liqourish cause I'm on the rag and it's fair. haha
And I exercised! Only for a little bit cause I'm out of shape.
Sooo I will let myself smoke and trip and take downers at christmas when I don't gotta drive or go to class. :D
I'd so go to Christmas stoned but my sister is taking me. haha she'd rip me a new asshole, even though I"m sure my cousins and uncles and aunts wouldn't mind, cause they do alotttt of shit too. I love my family.
My sister's such aBITCH though goodie goodie biiatch. :C
haha my mom says as soon as i graduate I can do shit, and even my fucking stupid ass dad did too. "When you're older"
But my sister thinks anyone who does anything is a mindless fucking retard. Even though that's what she is!
Ugh Just feel like bitching. :/
I wanna boyfriend.
|
|
|
[25 Nov 2007|01:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
I had another Chris dream last night. :] I hardly remember it, but I was hugging him more. And I was thinking the past couple days.. "what if I don't have him in another dream?" and I did, so that made my day.
I truely believe that his spirit or whatever comes to people in dreams.
I miss you Chris!!
Food today:
like 200cal?
I exercised for a little bit, it's hard when we have company over, I have no time to myself :[[
|
|
|
[19 Nov 2007|08:35pm] |
Wuah, I like a girl. I dunno if she likes me back. She has alot of problems and reminds me alot of myself. She said she doesn't wanna relationship though. I need to pry myself into her life anddd make her like me. How sad haha.
It sucks and it's hard though cause I'm used to guys doing all the work. And girls are so confusing.
too much food today. I'm gonna start my period soon that's why.
Buttt I'll plan tomorrow:
soup: less than 200 cal and NO fat!
probably some other junk food cause i suck
omg and the idiots at starbucks remember me. I'm so embarrassed. they remember what i always order DD:
|
|
|
[15 Nov 2007|08:08pm] |
Today: ... alot ..
8+4.5 g of fat plus others.
Tomorrow will be better.
|
|
|
[14 Nov 2007|07:05pm] |
|
ahhh I'm soo shaky, no appetite.. I think i'm running a fever too.
today: 20cal.. 220 or something... and 280 and uhh 80
and probably like 200 more cause I'm a pig
9.5 fat I think? wtf ever
|
|
|
[13 Nov 2007|04:05pm] |
Chris came back to me in a dream last night. I don't remember exactly what, just that I was hugging him telling him I Didn't want him to go. It was a nice dream, a nice feeling. He was hugging me too, I can't remember what he said. or what else I said.
I just know that he's alright.. and I'm alright. He still comes back to visit his friends, like the ones who want him to and believe it and stuff.
I believe it.
I love and miss him. :)
Anyways
umm 120 calories.. + 220 + 200 = 540cal today
like.. 3.5 + 4 + 1.5 grams of fat.
|
|
|
[11 Nov 2007|08:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disgusted |
] |
My throooooat hurts
I feel disgusted
I'm taking fucking 5 vitamin c pills a day. and next time i go to that dirty fucking arcade i'm taking disinfecting things. Cause those dirty nasty thug gangster nasty gross people and their sick kids are fucking nasty.
I almost vomited in the bathroom yesterday. bad memories and washing my hands, I wanted to burn them off.
cause it's
OC-DELICIOUS
|
|
|
[11 Nov 2007|04:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
I need to friendzzzz
Maybe a boyfriend? I dunno.
Ugh stupid idiot. He makes me confused. that's what i get for liking someone on the football team. FUCKING JOCKS.
They really are as stupid as people say. AHA
GROSS I feel fat. But uhhh
7g
+
3g
+.... 3?
I dunno I didn't eat that much fat but i feel sick as hell
|
|
|
[10 Nov 2007|10:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sore |
] |
Took alli today :D
This means never eating bad... til the pills runout. xD
I'm so happy.
I was so motivated this week to eat hardly any fat...
Note to self: get new friends
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
r4inbowsparkles's journal